I Don't Know: Lisa Hannigan

Happy little ditty...and cool art at once. Doesn't get much better...
I Don't Know from ATO Records on Vimeo.

From Michael Neill":Reset Your Happiness Setpoint

1. The Upper Limit Problem

One of the core tenets of the Hendricks' work is the idea that we each carry an unconscious "thermostat" inside us set for exactly how much joy, happiness and positive experience we can stand. Once that upper limit is reached, we will find a way to bring ourselves back down to a more "comfortable" level of happiness and success.

Here's how Gay writes about it in his wonderful new book The Big Leap:

[The Upper Limit Problem] shows up when we're feeling good (or making extra money or feeling a deeper loving connection in a relationship). When we're feeling good, we may come up against the hidden barrier of an old belief such as "I must not feel good, because fundamentally flawed people like me don't deserve it." The churning froth of these two powerful forces clashing with each other is the chief constituent of the irritating, itchy, slow-drizzle feeling of guilt.

When the old belief clashes with the positive feelings you're enjoying, one of them has to win. If the old belief wins, you turn down the volume on the positive feeling (or lose some money or start an intimacy-destroying argument with your partner). If the good feeling wins, congratulations!

Your practice in expanding your capacity for positive energy is paying off. Your capacity expands in small increments each time you consciously let yourself enjoy the money you have, the love you feel, and the creativity you are expressing in the world. As that capacity for enjoyment expands, so does your financial abundance, the love you feel, and the creativity you express.

What's surprising to most people that I've shared this idea with is that they recognize they have a very distinct answer to the question "How good can you stand it?" - and that answer is almost never "As good as it gets!"

The prescription for breaking through the Upper Limit Problem (or ULP, for short!) is simple:

1. Ask yourself "Am I willing to feel good and have my life go well all the time?"
2. Notice anywhere your answer is anything other than an emphatic "Yes!" and clean it up.

2. Discovering your Commitments Before my work with the Hendricks, I didn't consider myself to be a terribly committed person. During our work together, they pointed out that the problem isn't that we lack commitment in our lives - it's that we are unconsciously committed to all sorts of things that simply don't work. The way you uncover your unconscious commitments is simply to notice whatever you do consistently and recognize that if you aren't willing to change it in this moment, you must be committed to doing it. Amongst the things I discovered I was unconsciously committed to at that time (in the sense that I couldn't or wouldn't stop doing them) were:

• Overeating
• Disorganization
• Being out of shape
• Being "too busy"

Whilst I initially resisted saying things like "I am committed to continuing to eat past the point when I am full" and "I am committed to not making time to work out", I quickly realized that claiming my unconscious commitments allowed me to change them. Soon I was able to say (and mean) things like "I commit to stopping eating as soon as I even think I might be full" and "I commit to working out each morning before my day begins".

Better still, I was then able to honor those new, conscious commitments by acting on them until they became habitualized - that is, easier to do than not do.

My breakthrough came when Katie pointed out in one of our sessions that given how much people seemed to appreciate my work, it was curious to her that it hadn't become more widely known.

She gently suggested I might have an unconscious commitment to not being seen. When I first tried on the phrase "I am committed to flying under the radar and not being seen", I fought it like hell. After all, I sent out tips each week to a couple of thousand people - I even had my own website!

But within a few minutes of repeating the phrase out loud and to myself, I realized that it was true - I was terrified of what might happen if people really began to notice me and look a little closer at the person behind the work. With Gay and Katie's gentle but persistent coaching, I tried on a new commitment:

I commit to flying in plain sight.

While this shift was accompanied by an emotional release (that's a guy way of saying I cried my eyes out), the real shock was what happened next. Over the next week, I was offered over $100,000 in training opportunities around the world and given the chance to work on a book that became an international bestseller.

And as much as I tried to make that into a coincidence, I am grateful to this day to the coaches who catalyzed that coincidence into life! Here's an experiment you can do to play with this distinction for yourself...

Today's Experiment:
1. Make a list of any unwanted conditions in your life and/or any habitual behaviors you would like to change. Examples:

• Being unhappy
• Arguing with your spouse or children
• Being unemployed or in an unfulfilling job

2. Assume that in order to maintain this condition or behavior in your life, you must at some level be committed to it. Give voice to this unconscious commitment with this sentence starter. I am committed to... Examples:

• I am committed to being unhappy
• I am committed to arguing with my spouse
• I am committed to being in an unfulfilling job

3. As best you can, just be in your body as you repeat this "commitment statement" again and again both out loud and in your head. If you find yourself arguing with it, resisting it, distracting yourself, or "deciding not to do it" within the first three minutes, smile at your ego's wonderful self-protection mechanism and keep repeating the statement.

4. At some point, you will experience a feeling shift in your body - what the Hendricks' sometimes call a "whole body knowing". This lets you know that you've taken ownership of your old, unconscious commitment and are now ready to change.

5. Now, consider what you'd like to commit to instead. Use this sentence starter to give voice to this new commitment: I commit to...Examples:

• I commit to my own happiness and well-being
• I commit to letting go of my expectations and judgments of my partner
• I commit to finding work that I love and want to do

6. Continue speaking your new commitment out loud and in your head until you once again experience a feeling shift that lets you know that it is your true intention going forward.

7. Choose one action you can take to begin grounding your new commitment within the next 24 hours. Examples:

• Meditate for 10 minutes
• Make a list of all my judgments of my partner and ask myself "Could I let go of wanting to change that?" as I go through each item on the list.
• Take ½ an hour to begin brainstorming everything I've ever enjoyed doing in the past and what it was about that thing that I particularly enjoyed.

Have fun, learn heaps, and if you're unconsciously committed to anything other than love, happiness and a wonderful life, consider bringing a new conscious commitment to life!

With love,

Michael Neill

Read all about it!

Finally had a session with the amazing Jeannette Maw, Good Vibe Coach. You can read all about it here! She's also speaking at Martha Beck's seminar in Chicago in July (come on Universe! I'm ready to go!). Amazing woman, phenomenal experience!

Follow me on Twitter at: kellylivesay.

Hugs all...

THIS explains it

I came across this great article and wanted to share it in full. It is from Patricia Hill.

To All of My Dear Women Friends,

Here is some technical information that I have found on chocolate, or at least the phenylethylamine that is in chocolate, as a very important antidepressant.

Many people, especially women, experience depression in the form of "love withdrawal". I am quite serious, and I have both experienced it myself and observed it in my close associates and in my clients in my psychology practice. One goes through an actual set of withdrawal symptoms, including depression, when the levels of oxytocin in the body drop suddenly.

Oxytocin is a hormonal product of phenylethylamine, and it is stimulated in close, affectionate relationships of all kinds, so it is literally called "the love hormone". One can, as a result, literally become addicted to it and go through the very same withdrawal symptoms that are experienced with drug or alcohol addiction withdrawal when love is removed or even just distanced or reduced in intensity. Craving chocolate may be a symptom of this type of withdrawal, along with many of the other unpleasant symptoms of withdrawal such as "dysphoria", which is the opposite of euphoria; lethargy, brain fog, feelings of hopelessness and sadness and even thoughts of suicide.

Many people probably have a deficiency of phenylethylamine either hereditarily or as a result of its depletion due to past love withdrawals or deprivations. They can then actually become "love addicts" who need a " love fix" constantly in order to feel normal. Oxytocin calms and soothes, and a lack of it leads to a rise in cortisol, which is associated with stress, anxiety and even weight gain in women. When women are stressed, their bodies tell them to seek the company of others and to form close bonds. It is literally a survival mechanism, related to the maternal instinct of protecting one's young and finding strength in numbers by banding together when there is danger. Oxytocin is also stimulated by pregnancy, childbirth and nursing, as well as by nurturing, altruism, stroking, touching, making love and having orgasms.

Men, fortunately or unfortunately, experience the need for "fight or flight", ie going into solitary battle or running away when they are stressed or challenged. Does this sound familiar? Oxytocin reduces this fight or flight tendency in men, so love can soothe and pacify and even "domesticate" them as well....

So, to all of you women out there who might be depressed, eat chocolate!!! Or better yet, connect and share yourself with a friend, a lover, a child or a pet. Love really is the most important thing in our lives......

5 of My Favorite Things...

Per Stephanie Klein, I'm supposed to share the love about 5 of my favorite things today. Anyone who reads my blog knows many of these already, so I'll try to share some more obscure items today...which might take me a few minutes to think of.

1. The Cincinnati Public Library. I'm pretty much "untied", as in free to relocate wherever I want. But I don't want to. Why stay in the midwest in a fairly conservative city? Our library system is TOP NOTCH. In fact, the downtown Cincinnati library loans out more books per year than the New York Public Library! Can this be? YES, it can. Obscure music, awesome selection of movies and tv on DVD and, of course, books. It's all there...for free (or a small donation, aka late fee).

2. Geoff Dyer. Ok, I'm 3 pages away from finishing Yoga for People Who Can't Be Bothered to Do It. I'm in love with this guy's writing. No idea where I heard about him. Oprah mag maybe? But he is a witty Brit with a real gift for language.

3. TED.com. From Elizabeth Gilbert to Sir Ken Robinson, I'm perpetually moved (to laughter, and tears) by many of the speakers from this prestigious conference. If I ever get really good at speaking (and over my terr0r), to present here would be the pinnacle of success.

4. Oprah magazine. Don't dismiss it. I ignore (mostly) Dr. Phil and the beauty articles, but the recommendations on film, music, art, books and the stuff by Martha Beck are worth the cheap subscription. For that matter, magazines in general are an entertainment bargain.

5. Watching Idol with "tweeple". I like Twitter but have especially enjoyed American Idol while watching the #idol stream since I don't really watch it "with" anyone. To do this, use http://www.search.twitter.com/, use search term #idol (or, for that matter, #anything you are interested in: Nine Inch Nails, yorkies, tasers...there's something there for everyone.

Photo from cute overload

Fun journal and pen sites

Ah. For the love of a good pen...or journal...or art journal...and all things in between. I've been finding quite a few new sites and still enjoying my old standbys. For you guys, here is a fun set of resources that are never dull. This page is from sarahbowen.

New to me is the copic marker site, the "marker created for creative people". I haven't used copic but they are mainstays for graphic designers. Great galleries of all types of art including graffiti on paper.

Sharpie has a blog! Though Cat Sidh has long warned of Sharpies' non-archival qualities, for many of us they are a cheap alternative to Zig and other fine line permanent markers. And I don't care if you can read my work in 200 years.

Moleskinerie is for you Moleskine loyalists. I WANT a Moleksine, but have sworn off journals until I fill the ones I have...not an easy task. A similar for you lovers of Rhodia graph notebooks is Rhodiadrive. And, then for a lovely generic site there is Notebookism.

I can't access flickr links here at work any more but be sure to check out notebookism, circa rollers, moleskine, and a variety of photo groups dedicated to art journals. One day, after gardening is done, I'm confident I'll start all my art stuff again...but for now, brushes and pens are sleeping...

Happy Sunny Day!

I should be doing so many other things but I cannot. I'm drinking coffee out of my happy heart mug which was a gift from my new boss (when I was recruiting for her). It is the perfect shade of red which got me thinking about R-E-D and how I had lost the "redness" in me while A and I were together at first. I think I thought my obsession with the color was a sign of immaturity and I went more stripped down. Our house in New Albany had nary a red wall or piece of furniture or accent. Compare that to James and my place in California which had red mini blinds, red rugs, red, red, everywhere.

Red is in your blood and it can be hard to shake.

It started finding it's way back to me in my last few years with A. Red sofa (which I miss), red doors, a spot here and there. Now I have and am committed to a bit of red in every room. Every one including the bathroom (red and chocolate brown). Welcome back happy color. I missed you.

The above photo is from designsponge-which, along with The Selby-is my fav design site. The place in the photo belongs to kate bingaman-burt, a graphic design professor who also worked on Handmade Nation which, thankfully, is finally coming out. I LOVE this place. I crave a big open space with concrete floors that I can drip paint on and not worry. One day. I have only two real dreams: an amazing life partner and a home of my own (a scooter would be a nice add). Totally doable.

This was a turning point spring. I started babies under growlights again for the first time in 5 years! Sunflowers, gomphrena, moonflower (thanks M), cilantro, basil, cosmos (pink and white) and johnny jump-ups. The violets are already potted outside and my mini-greenhouse gets assembled today (though snow is forecasted Monday) so I can transplant and start conditioning the babies for outside. Mostly I've planted annuals for cut flowers but the yard has a zillion daylilies, coneflower and peonies. I discovered tiny grape hyacinth in bloom and once I'm done here, I'm heading out to cut a few for my tiny vases.

All of this is a turn towards what I want in my life and taking care of me. Through coaching from friends and Quaker-elf, I realize I'm excellent at caring for others and suck bad at caring for me. I don't cook for me, don't clean for me, don't take me out, don't surprise me with much of anything. I'm learning, folks. It's been a lifetime of caring for spouses and kids and pets. I don't know anything else.

Finally, I haven't written about it but James drifts through my sleep almost every night. Because we had only seen each other once in about 8 years, the loss is felt differently. It's the loss of possibility: of building a friendship with my son's father, with getting to watch him age and change and share our thoughts and feelings about our youth and that process. I miss that acutely and cannot believe it will never be. He was a kind and gentle man and I believe no one, save Ryan, has loved me more.

Damn. Should end on a happier note. The sun is shining and there is coffee...